Online "Shopping" - Breaking the Code

I often read and hear from my friends who are "shopping online" for potential dates that  people often are not what they describe in their profile. It reminds me of shopping for commodities online and a certain unspoken code that one must follow in order to get what you really want. For instance, when you are shopping on Craigs List or Amazon and the description says "gently used" most of us know that means it's in iffy condition and maybe doesn't work properly. If it says "like new" it's probably a little worn, but not broken. If it says "needs work" it most likely doesn't work at all, and so on.

So why would online dating profiles be any different? Girls and Guys, lets get on the same page with what all of the descriptions mean. That way there are no surprises when we actually meet in person. Here is my attempt at breaking the online dating code. I hope you find it helpful.

Women's Profile code
About them:
Recent photo - means this photo was taken 5 - 10 years ago, or 20 - 50 pounds ago
Thin - means medically ill or extremely skinny - no woman will ever admit that she is thin because we all think we could lose at least a few pounds
Average - means anything from skinny to 25 pounds over weight - doesn't average really depend on who you hang out with?
Curvy - 25 to 50 pounds overweight
A Few Extra Pounds - 50+ pounds overweight
Big and Beautiful - a crane needs to come to get her out of bed
Age 39 - 49 - means 50+
Income - I'd rather not say - could either mean they make a sload of money and don't want you to date them for it or it means they filed bankruptcy last week
Single - means not dating anyone, not married to anyone
In an Open Relationship - means it's okay with their significant other if they date other people and it's okay with them if their partner does
Looking for dates -  looking for the next husband
Looking for casual sex - looking for the next husband
Looking for friends - looking for the next husband
Looking to network - you got it, looking for the next husband

What they are Looking For:
Single Men - men who are not in a relationship or married to any other woman
39 - 55 - Over 21 and under 70
Drama Free - no restraining orders, no crazy ex's, no serial killers, not on probation or out on bail
Physically Fit - they can carry your boxes up to the attic for you without hurting themselves
Outdoorsy - willing and able to take the trash out and do yard work
Active Lifestyle - willing and able to take the trash out and do yard work AND will take you to dinner and the occasional movie
Good Sense of Humor - will think it's funny that you lied about your weight and age on your profile

Men's Profile Code
About Them:
Recent photo - means this photo was taken when they worked out and had hair
Thin - means a little under weight
Average - means they weigh about average for their height
A Few Extra Pounds - they weigh slightly more than the average for their height
Heavy Set - overweight
Age 39 - 49 - 39 to 60
Income -I'd rather not say -  it means they filed bankruptcy last week. they will tell you if they make a sload of money because they kind of want you to date them for it
Single - they are available - or at least they would like to be
In an Open Relationship - means they are dating other people even though they are in a committed relationship
Looking for dates -  looking for sex
Looking for casual sex - looking for sex
Looking for friends - looking for sex
Looking to network - you got it, looking for sex

What they are looking for:
Single Women - anyone willing to hook up with them
39 - 55 - Under 30
Drama Free - you will not call them out on anything at any time
Outdoorsy - will go camping with them and still look like a million dollars when you wake up in a tent, with no soap and water or make up
Curvy - thin with really large breasts
Thin - thin, with really large breasts
Average - thin with really large breasts
Active Lifestyle - will go out with them and party all night, stay up the rest of the night having mad crazy sex and still be able to get up earlier than them in the morning to make coffee and breakfast
Good sense of humor - will think its cute and a little funny that they lied about being single

Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone, but it is a good rule of thumb to follow when approaching an online dating site. If they happen to be telling the truth about everything, that's icing on the cake! Speaking of sweets, I have a really great, simple solution to the dieter's sweet tooth. I tried it this weekend and it only has 100 calories, 4 grams of fat and 22 carbs.

Almond Milk Chocolate Pudding S'mores

Pre-made Almond Milk Chocolate Pudding cups (60 calories each)
1 graham cracker crushed
1 marshmallow grilled or torched with a  creme brûlée torch
A drizzle of chocolate syrup

Take the pudding out of the plastic cup and put it in a small glass serving bowl. Torch your marshmallow and put it on top of the pudding. Sprinkle the graham cracker crumbs over the top and drizzle chocolate syrup. Yummy, low cal and drama free.

Spring Cleaning for the Soul

It's that time of year - sunlight streams through your windows and exposes the dust, scratches, stains and dirt  that the winter hid from view. With the spring sunshine comes a brighter outlook on life as well. It brings a whole new perspective and attitude for me, personally. I always feel like spring offers me a next chance, a redo, and brings hope for a brighter, more fulfilled outlook not just on the inside of my house but also on the inside of my soul.

We recently had a snow day - I know that seems ridiculous considering tomorrow is forecasted to be 70 degrees. I used the day to begin my spring cleaning, starting with my closet. The closet is symbolic for me. It's a good time to look at what you are wearing and decide if the clothes you put on are a true representation of the image you want to portray. I am shocked every year when I do this at just how wrong my wardrobe is for my "image". Over this past year I have tried very hard to adjust this by adding some color to my otherwise black, gray and brown closet. I've also tried a softer, more feminine look this year with less form-fitting and a bit more whimsey to the outfits. Even still when I examined the contents of my closet I had to admit that I still had a lot of "baggage" in there - two large trash bags full in fact. I have fluctuated my weight over the past several years from size 10 to size 18, eeh gads! So the first thing I did was get rid of everything over size 14 because I WILL NOT go back there, ever. I packed the big-girl jeans, 2XL tunics and dresses in the bags and hauled them off to Good Will. That felt really great and definitely made my closet look "thinner. Next I went through my shoe collection. I for one hate to get rid of shoes so for the past several moves I've carried shoes with me that I haven't (and shouldn't) wear since the early 80's. Another trash bag later and my shoe rack was a lot less like a hot-tub time machine.

It took 2.5 hours but when all was said and done my closet was cleaner, there was more room for the clothes and my "image" costumes were much more refined and defined. This got me thinking...how long would it take to give my soul a makeover, a refresh? Wouldn't it be nice if you could literally sort through all of the old things that have accumulated in your soul that are outdated or that don't "fit" you anymore and toss them in the trash or pass them on to others who may be able to use them. So I made a list, I know. Predictable. But that's what I do so I made a list of the "crap" that is cluttering up my soul with action items of what to do with it all. Here's my list. I encourage you to do the same. After all, it's spring and it's time for some spring cleaning!

Debbie's Baggage
1. Insecurities about my appearance - got to get rid of these feelings or I'll never be able to love myself therefore allowing me to love someone else
2. Hate or Dislike of those who have caused me pain - bad karma is a bitch so it has to be thrown away leaving warmth and positive energy in it's place
3. If you want to be happy, toss away the things that make you sad - I read that on a bumper sticker somewhere but it works for this context
4. Unrealistic goals need to be put to rest - for me, that means I can toss away my size 5 clothes from the 70's...my body is never going to look like it did back then...and I can probably stop planning my presidential campaign. If Hilary Clinton couldn't win chances are neither can I
5. Stop feeling like you have to please everyone - some people don't want to be pleased, and it just isn't my job to make everyone else happy. I am going to focus on just making ME happy and see what happens.

I could go on and on, but five is a good number and experts say we rarely ever remember more than five things so this is my start. My closet looks better, less cluttered and it's easier to find my clothes that I really do want to wear and that fit me. My soul also feels lighter and fresher. Spring cleaning phase one is a success!

Now for a fresh recipe to get you lighter on your feet for spring - my favorite new salad. Pair this with a nice sparkling water with a touch of grapefruit juice and you've got yourself a great spring fling!

Beet and Feta Salad

8 oz of mixed spring salad
6 grape tomatoes
1/4 cup of feta spit two ways
1/4 cup of red pepper
1/4 cup of yellow pepper
1/8 cup of fresh cilantro
4 whole fresh or Trader Joe's beets sliced 
Balsamic olive oil dressing

This makes two salads so split everything into two servings and put each into a salad bowl. Add dressing and salt and pepper to taste. You can serve this with 6 oz of grilled tuna or salmon on top for a full meal or by itself for a side salad.