What's Love Got to Do With It?

You know that gooey, icky kind of love where you can't stop touching and you hate being apart and you'd rather be together than with any of your other friends? That sick feeling when you have to be separated for more than a night? The stuff all of the romance novels and movies reflect but never happens to real people? I've witnessed that kind of love first hand and as annoying as it is to the rest of us it sure seems fulfilling to the two people involved. Lately I've been thinking a lot about that kind of love and wondering if I could even handle it! So much riding on that one other person scares me.

It all goes back to my parents. My parents where true soul-mates. They met when my Mom was 12 and my Dad was 14. My Dad, so the story goes, was smitten from the first time they met. He walked my Mom home from church, school, the store. They did a lot of walking back then and it gave him his opportunity. From their first date he would buy my Mom little cards with a house on the cover and would tell her that someday he'd build her that house and they would be married and live happily ever after. He brought her gifts for every date; candy, make up, flowers. And when my Mom was 17 and my Dad was 19 he asked my Grandfather for her hand in marriage. My Grandfather said, and I quote, "Boy, I'll see you in hell first." That night my father put a ladder up to my Mom's bedroom window and whisked her off to Maryland to get married. Storybook romance from beginning to end. They worked side by side to build the little house of their dreams. They partied together, played together, worked together, raised three children together, and up until my father died if he walked in a room and saw my mother he had to touch her, kiss her, tickle her, "goose" her (I know, it was really, really embarrassing as a child). They laughed a lot, kissed and hugged all of the time and it was incredible to watch.

Recently a friend of mine reminded me of my parents and their incredible love affair. She said it was the only real example of true love she had witnessed as a child and the impact it had on her when she visited my home was profound. It made me realize just how lucky I was to live in a house where that kind of love existed. It also gave me insight into the kind of pressure that probably put on me and my siblings on our quest for that perfect mate.

I never heard my parents fight. I never got to see them make up. I didn't experience first hand what it would be like to openly disagree and come to a resolution and be able to still love each other after. I think that is probably the root cause of most of my adult issues. Conflict management, relationship dull drones, too-high expectations are all because of my parents and their gooey, icky love affair. Go figure! Well at least my children can't blame me for that. They have witnessed many fights, two divorces and a host of commitment issues on my part. So they know exactly how NOT to be. I saw how TO be, but it takes more than knowledge; it takes finding that one person who really "completes" you. OMG, did I really just say that? Who am I and what happened to Debbie? Maybe it's the moon, or the fact that I am giving up sugar for Lent, or maybe it's due to Valentine's Day coming this week. All I know is that I all of a sudden think true love could be possible, and even desirable. To all of those out there married to your soul-mates, good for you! To those married to people who aren't your soul-mate but who you love anyway, extra special good for you! And to all of those jaded, love-losers like me, this is me, a fellow LL here to tell you there really is hope

No EmptyNexting blog would be complete without a great recipe and since we are talking about love I have to include something with chocolate. I haven't personally tried this but it sounds amazing. I hope you will love it, pun intended.

Gluten-Free, Flourless and Vegan Chocolate Cake Recipe | Madhuram's Eggless Cooking

www.egglesscooking.com

The unusual combination of chickpeas, beets and chocolate come together and transforms into this delicious and decadent gluten-free, flourless and vegan chocolate cake.

Fantasy, Fiction or Just Plain Wishes

A close friend of mine is going through a transformation. He recently self realized that his dreams, the things he really wanted to accomplish, were unattainable. Not just out of reach and scope but just plain impossible. As he was describing the paralyzing affect this realization is having on him it dawned on me that the best dreams often are impossible.

When I was a kid I dreamed that I could fly. I was obsessed with the thought that this dream could actually become reality. If I worked hard enough, studied long enough, practiced my jumping skills maybe, just maybe I would learn to fly! Obviously at some point I realized that flying isn't something the human form can do, no matter how much time and effort we put into the study of it. But, when I was 19 I did fly in a small trick plane and as we did circles in the sky, nose dived and jetted up, floated above the Fan, it felt as if I were flying - not in a plane but just me in the sky like a bird.

My point is I don't agree with the notion that we should give up on our dreams just because they are impossible. I think our hopes and desires can be attainable, just not necessarily in the literal sense. If we want something badly enough I think we are cable of finding a way, maybe not a traditional way but a way, of making them happen.

I'm sure the creators of Star Trek wanted to space travel, for example. They more than likely dreamed of traveling to alternate universes and meeting strange, beautiful, even scary aliens with advanced brains and magical talents. And they found a way to make that happen, by creating a world where those things really do exist. Look at Harry Potter, for another example. The author found a way to make her dreams come to life in such a magical and believable way that millions of children (and adults) started reading, actually reading books! It was the single most positive impact on our children's generation. What if her therapist told her to stop hoping for her dreams, to "settle" for the here and now?

I understand that we live in the real world and that we need to be happy with that and not fall prey to false hopes and dreams. I also acknowledge that spending too much time on fantasy and fiction can postpone our ability to function in society and get our real work done. Lord knows my fantasy world takes up way too much of my waking time and I would probably be more productive if I spent less time writing, reading and thinking about fantasy and fiction and more time working on actual projects. But the universe gave us these amazing brains and minds that allow us to dream, fantasize, and imagine. I think it's such a waste if we aren't allowed to bask in that for at least some part of our day, every day. And I think that most of our best inventions came out of somebody's fantasy state.

What if I could talk to anyone, anywhere real time? If I could share my photos, my ideas, my schedule with not just my friends but people I don't even know? Wait, I can. Don't you think that was somebody's dream at some point in their life?

So my advise isn't to stop spending time on impossible dreams. It's to take those dreams and turn them into possibilities. Take 2 hours a day, or whatever extra time you have and write down a few steps you can take to get closer to achieving your goals. Who knows where your dreams can lead you and what positive impact they can have on the masses.

In the words of one of my favorite fictional characters, "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one..."

Here is a fun dessert recipe sure to help make at least your dream for rich, creamy chocolate come true!

Cake

1 3/4

cups sugar

1 3/4

cups margarine or butter, softened

6

eggs

2

cups powdered sugar

2 1/4

cups Pillsbury BEST® All Purpose or Unbleached Flour

3/4

cup unsweetened cocoa

2

cups chopped walnuts*

Glaze

3/4

cup powdered sugar

1/4

cup unsweetened cocoa

4

to 6 teaspoons milk

• 1Heat oven to 350°F. Grease and flour 12-cup fluted tube cake pan or 10-inch tube pan. In large bowl, combine sugar and margarine; beat until light and fluffy. Add eggs 1 at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually add 2 cups powdered sugar; blend well. By hand, stir in flour and remaining cake ingredients until well blended. Spoon batter into greased and floured pan; spread evenly.
• 2Bake at 350°F. for 45 to 50 minutes or until top is set and edges are beginning to pull away from sides of pan.** Cool upright in pan on wire rack 1 1/2 hours. Invert onto serving plate; cool at least 2 hours.
• 3In small bowl, combine all glaze ingredients, adding enough milk for desired drizzling consistency. Spoon over top of cake, allowing some to run down sides. Store tightly covered.

Expert Tips

* Nuts are essential for the success of this recipe. ** Since this cake has a soft filling, an ordinary doneness test cannot be used. Accurate oven temperature and baking times are essential.