Friday, October 18, 2013
Empty Nexting: Back to the Future...
Empty Nexting: Back to the Future...: Lately I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the future. For the past few years I've been preoccupied with my past - how di...
Back to the Future...
Lately I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the future. For the past few years I've been preoccupied with my past - how did I let things get so out of control? Why did I make the choices I made? What was I thinking? Recently I gave a friend of mine some great advice that I am choosing to take myself now....the past is in the past and we can't change it. What we can do is change our future. So I have been thinking about different paths, none of which is better than the other, just very separate futures depending on which path I decide to choose.
I can keep moving in the direction I am headed right now. It's a good one, no doubt. I have a great job, wonderful friends, a loving family, a nice home and a good life. I love Richmond and am enjoying uncovering many of the city's secrets that I didn't try out before now. I am enjoying being single and occupying myself with new festivals, restaurants, shows, museums, travel. I can see myself staying on this path for the rest of my years and know that my life would be full. Or...
I can see myself changing everything. Moving to a bigger city or a smaller town, near the ocean, or near a subway. I can see a new job, a completely different career, maybe owning a shop or working as an editor or publisher. I can see a man in my future, I don't know him yet but he just may be out there somewhere and he may be an awesome match for me. He may make me dinner, hold my hand as we walk a city block to see a show. Or carry the beach chair and umbrella for me to our perfect spot just a few short blocks from our cottage to the ocean.
I can see myself growing old alone in a nursing home with hundreds of strangers, but they will become my new family and I won't know that I don't know them. I can see being the crazy lady that makes people smile with my jokes. I'd be the life of the "home" and that's for sure.
Who knows what the future holds for any of us. But I want to have choices. So that means I need to get busy and get a plan in place so that I can choose a different path if that's what I want to do. I am going to set some goals that I am writing down here, because I have read that you are 90% more likely to do something if you put it in writing.
Paving my Future
Goal 1 - pay off all my debt
I'm lucky because I don't have a lot. I have a car payment, some credit cards and a couple of personal loans, plus student loans for my kids. The total is about $20,000. I have choices of how to pay this off. I could make a monthly budget and commit to paying a set amount for a year or I could borrow from my 401K and pay it all off at once leaving me with that much less in my retirement account. Either way it's very do-able.
Goal 2 - research my options
I haven't really considered career choices since I was about 20. That's been a few years (or several decades) and so I'm sure quite a bit has changed out there. I need to take a hard look at the options and see what it is I really want to do for the next 10 years or so and how much money I realistically need to live on. It could be that what I am doing right now is EXACTLY what I should be doing and want to be doing. But I want the ability to choose so I need to spend the time and energy doing the homework.
Goal 3 - soul searching about love
I have learned recently that I have a type. And it isn't what I thought it was. I like men who are independent, strong willed, slightly adventurous, and a tad bit eccentric and cool, but slightly conservative and a bit controlling. The really curious thing is that those men either do not live in Richmond or are not remotely interested in me or my type. That makes the whole life partner search a bit difficult. So moving could (but it isn't a guarantee) be a better choice for my love life. I have decided though, and this is a big one, that I really do want a life partner and I don't want to lose a lot more time finding him. I think I'm ready to make some changes in myself and adjustments in my lifestyle for the right guy. For those of you who know me, you are probably doubting my sincerity about those words, but I really do mean it this time!
Goal 4 - it's not a diet, it's my new lifestyle
This whole eating right and exercising phase that I've been in for the past couple of years isn't just a short term diet; it's my new normal. Wow! That's a tough one. I really have readjusted my priorities to make my health and my appearance more important than it has ever been. I want to age well, gracefully and healthy. I don't want to be the lady in the wheel chair or on the oxygen machine. I want to be the one driving the bus and walking the pets, at the very least.
So there you have it. Four easy goals that will help me decide which way to direct my future. It's an exciting time and I am anxious to get busy. But first some options for your next dinner party. I am hosting a group of girl friends this weekend and gave them the following choices for dinner. Which one would you have chosen? I'll reveal the winning dish at the end of the blog.
Option 1 - Chicken Pot Pie, Mashed Potatoes and Saute'd Green Beans
I make my pot pie like Betty Crocker
One store bought pie dough (the kind in the box that you roll out and cut to fit the pie pan)
1 small roasted chicken, cooked, removed from bone and cut into cube sized pieces
1 large can of cream of mushroom soup (low sodium)
1 32 oz bag of frozen mixed vegetables (peas, carrots, potatoes, corn and onions)
Cook the vegetables in the soup with about 1/4 cup of water for about 20 minutes. Mix in the chicken. Prepare the crust and put one layer on the bottom of a deep dish pie pan. Cook in a preheated oven for about 15 minutes at 400 degrees. Pour the chicken/veggie mixture on top of the cooked crust and sprinkle with ground black pepper and a teaspoon of celery salt. Top with the remaining pie crust, punch wholes with a fork and back in the 400 degree preheated oven for about 35 minutes or until curst is flakey and light brown. You can leave out the chicken and make this as a vegetarian dish too.
I cook the green beans in a sauté pan with a little flavored olive oil (basil is my fav) and some mushrooms. Serve with mashed potatoes or mashed cauliflower .
Option 2 - Pumpkin Linguini with sage and brown butter sauce, saute'd mushrooms and turkey sausage and a spinach salad
I buy the pasta from a farmers market made fresh daily. About 11/2 twists equals one serving. I make the sauce recipe for four servings. Two sticks of butter, 1/2 cup fresh sage diced, 1 clove garlic minced, 1 tablespoon olive oil, salt and pepper to taste, about 2 cups of mixed mushrooms and one pound of turkey sausage links chopped, 2 tablespoons of lime juice and 1/2 cup of parmesan cheese grated. Cook the sausage and mushrooms in the olive oil with garlic and lime juice. Remove from pan and set aside reserving the liquid. Cook sage in the liquid for about 4 minutes. Add butter to the mixture and melt. Cook constantly stirring until butter turns brown. Add mushrooms and sausage to sauce and stir. Boil the pasta al dente and drain. Separate pasta into four servings and top each with an equal about of sauce and tope each serving with grated cheese.
A small spinach salad with a light herb dressing makes this a perfect meal.
Option 3 - Lime Shrimp Mixed Salad and French Bread with cheeses
1 pound of medium shrimp shelled and deveined, 1 tablespoon of olive oil, 1 tablespoon of lime juice,1 clove of garlic minced, 1/2 cup of feta or goat cheese crumbled, 2 small tomatoes cubed, Romaine lettuce torn to fill the bottoms of four medium sized bowels, 1 cup of broccoli divided, 1 cup of carrots divided, 1 cup of mushrooms divided. 1 cup of water, 1 cup of balsamic vinegar, 1 clove of crushed garlic, 1/3 cup of chopped cilantro, 2 tablespoons of lime juice and salt and pepper to taste. Sauté shrimp in olive oil, garlic and lime juice. Separate into four groups. Assemble salad by putting lettuce infirst, vegetables, shrimp and cheese. Serve dressing on the side. Bake the french bread and serve with a variety of soft cheeses.
My guests chose Option 2. I'll let you know how it turns out!
I can see myself changing everything. Moving to a bigger city or a smaller town, near the ocean, or near a subway. I can see a new job, a completely different career, maybe owning a shop or working as an editor or publisher. I can see a man in my future, I don't know him yet but he just may be out there somewhere and he may be an awesome match for me. He may make me dinner, hold my hand as we walk a city block to see a show. Or carry the beach chair and umbrella for me to our perfect spot just a few short blocks from our cottage to the ocean.
I can see myself growing old alone in a nursing home with hundreds of strangers, but they will become my new family and I won't know that I don't know them. I can see being the crazy lady that makes people smile with my jokes. I'd be the life of the "home" and that's for sure.
Who knows what the future holds for any of us. But I want to have choices. So that means I need to get busy and get a plan in place so that I can choose a different path if that's what I want to do. I am going to set some goals that I am writing down here, because I have read that you are 90% more likely to do something if you put it in writing.
Paving my Future
Goal 1 - pay off all my debt
I'm lucky because I don't have a lot. I have a car payment, some credit cards and a couple of personal loans, plus student loans for my kids. The total is about $20,000. I have choices of how to pay this off. I could make a monthly budget and commit to paying a set amount for a year or I could borrow from my 401K and pay it all off at once leaving me with that much less in my retirement account. Either way it's very do-able.
Goal 2 - research my options
I haven't really considered career choices since I was about 20. That's been a few years (or several decades) and so I'm sure quite a bit has changed out there. I need to take a hard look at the options and see what it is I really want to do for the next 10 years or so and how much money I realistically need to live on. It could be that what I am doing right now is EXACTLY what I should be doing and want to be doing. But I want the ability to choose so I need to spend the time and energy doing the homework.
Goal 3 - soul searching about love
I have learned recently that I have a type. And it isn't what I thought it was. I like men who are independent, strong willed, slightly adventurous, and a tad bit eccentric and cool, but slightly conservative and a bit controlling. The really curious thing is that those men either do not live in Richmond or are not remotely interested in me or my type. That makes the whole life partner search a bit difficult. So moving could (but it isn't a guarantee) be a better choice for my love life. I have decided though, and this is a big one, that I really do want a life partner and I don't want to lose a lot more time finding him. I think I'm ready to make some changes in myself and adjustments in my lifestyle for the right guy. For those of you who know me, you are probably doubting my sincerity about those words, but I really do mean it this time!
Goal 4 - it's not a diet, it's my new lifestyle
This whole eating right and exercising phase that I've been in for the past couple of years isn't just a short term diet; it's my new normal. Wow! That's a tough one. I really have readjusted my priorities to make my health and my appearance more important than it has ever been. I want to age well, gracefully and healthy. I don't want to be the lady in the wheel chair or on the oxygen machine. I want to be the one driving the bus and walking the pets, at the very least.
So there you have it. Four easy goals that will help me decide which way to direct my future. It's an exciting time and I am anxious to get busy. But first some options for your next dinner party. I am hosting a group of girl friends this weekend and gave them the following choices for dinner. Which one would you have chosen? I'll reveal the winning dish at the end of the blog.
I make my pot pie like Betty Crocker
One store bought pie dough (the kind in the box that you roll out and cut to fit the pie pan)
1 small roasted chicken, cooked, removed from bone and cut into cube sized pieces
1 large can of cream of mushroom soup (low sodium)
1 32 oz bag of frozen mixed vegetables (peas, carrots, potatoes, corn and onions)
Cook the vegetables in the soup with about 1/4 cup of water for about 20 minutes. Mix in the chicken. Prepare the crust and put one layer on the bottom of a deep dish pie pan. Cook in a preheated oven for about 15 minutes at 400 degrees. Pour the chicken/veggie mixture on top of the cooked crust and sprinkle with ground black pepper and a teaspoon of celery salt. Top with the remaining pie crust, punch wholes with a fork and back in the 400 degree preheated oven for about 35 minutes or until curst is flakey and light brown. You can leave out the chicken and make this as a vegetarian dish too.
I cook the green beans in a sauté pan with a little flavored olive oil (basil is my fav) and some mushrooms. Serve with mashed potatoes or mashed cauliflower .
Option 2 - Pumpkin Linguini with sage and brown butter sauce, saute'd mushrooms and turkey sausage and a spinach salad
I buy the pasta from a farmers market made fresh daily. About 11/2 twists equals one serving. I make the sauce recipe for four servings. Two sticks of butter, 1/2 cup fresh sage diced, 1 clove garlic minced, 1 tablespoon olive oil, salt and pepper to taste, about 2 cups of mixed mushrooms and one pound of turkey sausage links chopped, 2 tablespoons of lime juice and 1/2 cup of parmesan cheese grated. Cook the sausage and mushrooms in the olive oil with garlic and lime juice. Remove from pan and set aside reserving the liquid. Cook sage in the liquid for about 4 minutes. Add butter to the mixture and melt. Cook constantly stirring until butter turns brown. Add mushrooms and sausage to sauce and stir. Boil the pasta al dente and drain. Separate pasta into four servings and top each with an equal about of sauce and tope each serving with grated cheese.
A small spinach salad with a light herb dressing makes this a perfect meal.
1 pound of medium shrimp shelled and deveined, 1 tablespoon of olive oil, 1 tablespoon of lime juice,1 clove of garlic minced, 1/2 cup of feta or goat cheese crumbled, 2 small tomatoes cubed, Romaine lettuce torn to fill the bottoms of four medium sized bowels, 1 cup of broccoli divided, 1 cup of carrots divided, 1 cup of mushrooms divided. 1 cup of water, 1 cup of balsamic vinegar, 1 clove of crushed garlic, 1/3 cup of chopped cilantro, 2 tablespoons of lime juice and salt and pepper to taste. Sauté shrimp in olive oil, garlic and lime juice. Separate into four groups. Assemble salad by putting lettuce infirst, vegetables, shrimp and cheese. Serve dressing on the side. Bake the french bread and serve with a variety of soft cheeses.
My guests chose Option 2. I'll let you know how it turns out!
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
What's Next for EmptyNesters?
Lately I've been thinking. How long can a person claim to be an empty nester? At what point does empty nesting turn into single lifestyle, DINKs (again) Or crazy cat lady? I'm not sure society has defined the next steps for empty nesters yet. So let's take a stab at it.
It's been two years since my youngest daughter left for college and my husband and I separated. She is officially a Junior in college, has her own apartment and is well on her way to a life and lifestyle all of her own. My oldest daughter has a couple of jobs (and a budding acting career), her own apartment and is financially independent. I have a three bedroom townhouse and only use one bedroom 99% of the time. Sometimes I take naps in the other bedrooms, once or twice I've actually watched TV in one of the rooms just to justify paying for the On Demand and full cable running to that TV that is never used. I keep the kitty bed and kitty liter in one of the rooms so technically the room is being occupied. There is a full bathroom on that level that is also never being used. Well, I put the kitty food and water bowl in that bathroom so again, technically...
The point is, I am on my own. I have guests now, not live in children. For the most part it's me. I'm single, I have a cat (and a dog) Some people have accused me of being eccentric (crazy is what they say, but I paraphrase). What am I? Am I a single white female? A senior citizen? Or, ee gads, a crazy cat lady? I prefer empty nester.
When my children come home now it isn't really their home. When they leave they say they are leaving to "go home" to their apartments in New York and LA. The reality is they will never come "home" to Richmond again, chances are. So does that mean I am done empty nesting or does it mean I've just begun the empty nesting process? I wonder how long I can milk this label that comes with a certain amount of understanding, a knowing nod and sympathetic smile. People generally respond much more positively to the label empty nester than they do crazy cat lady, after all.
I am trying to remember how my parents dealt with it when I moved out for good. I was the baby child you see. When I went to college my freshman year they kept my room in tact. Nothing changed. When I came home for summer it was as if I'd never left. Even the rules were the same, which was funny considering what I had been doing the rest of the year...but that was it. I never lived in that house again after that one summer. From then on I kept my apartment and worked or went to school year round. So did that change my parent's status from empty nesting to duel income no kids? Or seniors? I'm not sure that anyone cared back then. I think we do care these days. The Gen Xers like labels and we like to know what to refer to ourselves as, what group we belong to. I certainly don't want to belong to an AARP group. I'd opt for crazy cat lady over that for sure.
Empty Nesting - what does that mean? It certainly implies that at some point there was more than one of you. That you had a nest full, so to speak. Wikipedia has a morbid definition and calls it a Syndrome, "the feeling of loneliness and grief that parents or guardians my feel when their children leave home for the first time..." Good news though, they say it isn't a clinical condition. They offer suggestions for methods of coping, one of them is to discuss their grief with others going through the same thing. I call that happy hour. Also recommended is journaling. I call that blogging. Good, I'm on the right track. No mention though of how long this condition, I mean "syndrome" can last. It did say the First time they leave home. Maybe if they come back and leave again my status will change to something else?
Recently I celebrated with my daughters as they both had milestone birthdays; 21 and 25. We did a bar crawl. I think that is pretty cool that we can now all go to bars and avoid gross, drunk men together! It was interesting to say the least. The best (worst) pick up line of the night was directed toward my 21 year old. This 40 something man said to her "you know sweetie, now that you are 21 you are going to make a lot of mistakes, and I'd like to be your first..." I was standing right there. So I dismissed him verbally and we went to another bar, with a younger crowd, lol.
Anyway I tell that story because maybe the end of empty nesting is when you realize your children are adults. The relationship changes from a strictly parenting role to more of a mentoring, friendship role. We can call this stage by a new name; how about Next Stepping. So I'm in the Next Stepping phase of my life and it's an exciting time! Looking forward I am going to plan some Next Stepping goals and get busy making those happen. Thanks for going along with me on this Empty Nesting journey and I hope you come along for the next step.
Here is a solid recipe to help close the door on empty nesting. It's a favorite breakfast meal I make for my kids when they are home. Enjoy!
Sriracha Egg Sandwich and Cafe Latte
1 whole grain English Muffin
1 soft fried egg
Leafy green lettuce
1 thinly sliced tomato
I slice of American cheese
1 sausage patty (I use meatless Trader Joe's patties)
a generous portion of sriracha
Assemble the cheese on the muffin and toast. Then add sausage, egg, sriracha, tomato and lettuce, and top of muffin. It's messy but ooooh so good!
I make a Latte to go with and if you are extra hungry cheese grits really tops this off. Have a great day!
The point is, I am on my own. I have guests now, not live in children. For the most part it's me. I'm single, I have a cat (and a dog) Some people have accused me of being eccentric (crazy is what they say, but I paraphrase). What am I? Am I a single white female? A senior citizen? Or, ee gads, a crazy cat lady? I prefer empty nester.
When my children come home now it isn't really their home. When they leave they say they are leaving to "go home" to their apartments in New York and LA. The reality is they will never come "home" to Richmond again, chances are. So does that mean I am done empty nesting or does it mean I've just begun the empty nesting process? I wonder how long I can milk this label that comes with a certain amount of understanding, a knowing nod and sympathetic smile. People generally respond much more positively to the label empty nester than they do crazy cat lady, after all.
I am trying to remember how my parents dealt with it when I moved out for good. I was the baby child you see. When I went to college my freshman year they kept my room in tact. Nothing changed. When I came home for summer it was as if I'd never left. Even the rules were the same, which was funny considering what I had been doing the rest of the year...but that was it. I never lived in that house again after that one summer. From then on I kept my apartment and worked or went to school year round. So did that change my parent's status from empty nesting to duel income no kids? Or seniors? I'm not sure that anyone cared back then. I think we do care these days. The Gen Xers like labels and we like to know what to refer to ourselves as, what group we belong to. I certainly don't want to belong to an AARP group. I'd opt for crazy cat lady over that for sure.
Empty Nesting - what does that mean? It certainly implies that at some point there was more than one of you. That you had a nest full, so to speak. Wikipedia has a morbid definition and calls it a Syndrome, "the feeling of loneliness and grief that parents or guardians my feel when their children leave home for the first time..." Good news though, they say it isn't a clinical condition. They offer suggestions for methods of coping, one of them is to discuss their grief with others going through the same thing. I call that happy hour. Also recommended is journaling. I call that blogging. Good, I'm on the right track. No mention though of how long this condition, I mean "syndrome" can last. It did say the First time they leave home. Maybe if they come back and leave again my status will change to something else?
Recently I celebrated with my daughters as they both had milestone birthdays; 21 and 25. We did a bar crawl. I think that is pretty cool that we can now all go to bars and avoid gross, drunk men together! It was interesting to say the least. The best (worst) pick up line of the night was directed toward my 21 year old. This 40 something man said to her "you know sweetie, now that you are 21 you are going to make a lot of mistakes, and I'd like to be your first..." I was standing right there. So I dismissed him verbally and we went to another bar, with a younger crowd, lol.
Anyway I tell that story because maybe the end of empty nesting is when you realize your children are adults. The relationship changes from a strictly parenting role to more of a mentoring, friendship role. We can call this stage by a new name; how about Next Stepping. So I'm in the Next Stepping phase of my life and it's an exciting time! Looking forward I am going to plan some Next Stepping goals and get busy making those happen. Thanks for going along with me on this Empty Nesting journey and I hope you come along for the next step.
Here is a solid recipe to help close the door on empty nesting. It's a favorite breakfast meal I make for my kids when they are home. Enjoy!
Sriracha Egg Sandwich and Cafe Latte
1 whole grain English Muffin
1 soft fried egg
Leafy green lettuce
1 thinly sliced tomato
I slice of American cheese
1 sausage patty (I use meatless Trader Joe's patties)
a generous portion of sriracha
Assemble the cheese on the muffin and toast. Then add sausage, egg, sriracha, tomato and lettuce, and top of muffin. It's messy but ooooh so good!
I make a Latte to go with and if you are extra hungry cheese grits really tops this off. Have a great day!
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