Lately I've been thinking. How long can a person claim to be an empty nester? At what point does empty nesting turn into single lifestyle, DINKs (again) Or crazy cat lady? I'm not sure society has defined the next steps for empty nesters yet. So let's take a stab at it.
It's been two years since my youngest daughter left for college and my husband and I separated. She is officially a Junior in college, has her own apartment and is well on her way to a life and lifestyle all of her own. My oldest daughter has a couple of jobs (and a budding acting career), her own apartment and is financially independent. I have a three bedroom townhouse and only use one bedroom 99% of the time. Sometimes I take naps in the other bedrooms, once or twice I've actually watched TV in one of the rooms just to justify paying for the On Demand and full cable running to that TV that is never used. I keep the kitty bed and kitty liter in one of the rooms so technically the room is being occupied. There is a full bathroom on that level that is also never being used. Well, I put the kitty food and water bowl in that bathroom so again, technically...
The point is, I am on my own. I have guests now, not live in children. For the most part it's me. I'm single, I have a cat (and a dog) Some people have accused me of being eccentric (crazy is what they say, but I paraphrase). What am I? Am I a single white female? A senior citizen? Or, ee gads, a crazy cat lady? I prefer empty nester.
When my children come home now it isn't really their home. When they leave they say they are leaving to "go home" to their apartments in New York and LA. The reality is they will never come "home" to Richmond again, chances are. So does that mean I am done empty nesting or does it mean I've just begun the empty nesting process? I wonder how long I can milk this label that comes with a certain amount of understanding, a knowing nod and sympathetic smile. People generally respond much more positively to the label empty nester than they do crazy cat lady, after all.
I am trying to remember how my parents dealt with it when I moved out for good. I was the baby child you see. When I went to college my freshman year they kept my room in tact. Nothing changed. When I came home for summer it was as if I'd never left. Even the rules were the same, which was funny considering what I had been doing the rest of the year...but that was it. I never lived in that house again after that one summer. From then on I kept my apartment and worked or went to school year round. So did that change my parent's status from empty nesting to duel income no kids? Or seniors? I'm not sure that anyone cared back then. I think we do care these days. The Gen Xers like labels and we like to know what to refer to ourselves as, what group we belong to. I certainly don't want to belong to an AARP group. I'd opt for crazy cat lady over that for sure.
Empty Nesting - what does that mean? It certainly implies that at some point there was more than one of you. That you had a nest full, so to speak. Wikipedia has a morbid definition and calls it a Syndrome, "the feeling of loneliness and grief that parents or guardians my feel when their children leave home for the first time..." Good news though, they say it isn't a clinical condition. They offer suggestions for methods of coping, one of them is to discuss their grief with others going through the same thing. I call that happy hour. Also recommended is journaling. I call that blogging. Good, I'm on the right track. No mention though of how long this condition, I mean "syndrome" can last. It did say the First time they leave home. Maybe if they come back and leave again my status will change to something else?
Recently I celebrated with my daughters as they both had milestone birthdays; 21 and 25. We did a bar crawl. I think that is pretty cool that we can now all go to bars and avoid gross, drunk men together! It was interesting to say the least. The best (worst) pick up line of the night was directed toward my 21 year old. This 40 something man said to her "you know sweetie, now that you are 21 you are going to make a lot of mistakes, and I'd like to be your first..." I was standing right there. So I dismissed him verbally and we went to another bar, with a younger crowd, lol.
Anyway I tell that story because maybe the end of empty nesting is when you realize your children are adults. The relationship changes from a strictly parenting role to more of a mentoring, friendship role. We can call this stage by a new name; how about Next Stepping. So I'm in the Next Stepping phase of my life and it's an exciting time! Looking forward I am going to plan some Next Stepping goals and get busy making those happen. Thanks for going along with me on this Empty Nesting journey and I hope you come along for the next step.
Here is a solid recipe to help close the door on empty nesting. It's a favorite breakfast meal I make for my kids when they are home. Enjoy!
Sriracha Egg Sandwich and Cafe Latte
1 whole grain English Muffin
1 soft fried egg
Leafy green lettuce
1 thinly sliced tomato
I slice of American cheese
1 sausage patty (I use meatless Trader Joe's patties)
a generous portion of sriracha
Assemble the cheese on the muffin and toast. Then add sausage, egg, sriracha, tomato and lettuce, and top of muffin. It's messy but ooooh so good!
I make a Latte to go with and if you are extra hungry cheese grits really tops this off. Have a great day!
The point is, I am on my own. I have guests now, not live in children. For the most part it's me. I'm single, I have a cat (and a dog) Some people have accused me of being eccentric (crazy is what they say, but I paraphrase). What am I? Am I a single white female? A senior citizen? Or, ee gads, a crazy cat lady? I prefer empty nester.
When my children come home now it isn't really their home. When they leave they say they are leaving to "go home" to their apartments in New York and LA. The reality is they will never come "home" to Richmond again, chances are. So does that mean I am done empty nesting or does it mean I've just begun the empty nesting process? I wonder how long I can milk this label that comes with a certain amount of understanding, a knowing nod and sympathetic smile. People generally respond much more positively to the label empty nester than they do crazy cat lady, after all.
I am trying to remember how my parents dealt with it when I moved out for good. I was the baby child you see. When I went to college my freshman year they kept my room in tact. Nothing changed. When I came home for summer it was as if I'd never left. Even the rules were the same, which was funny considering what I had been doing the rest of the year...but that was it. I never lived in that house again after that one summer. From then on I kept my apartment and worked or went to school year round. So did that change my parent's status from empty nesting to duel income no kids? Or seniors? I'm not sure that anyone cared back then. I think we do care these days. The Gen Xers like labels and we like to know what to refer to ourselves as, what group we belong to. I certainly don't want to belong to an AARP group. I'd opt for crazy cat lady over that for sure.
Empty Nesting - what does that mean? It certainly implies that at some point there was more than one of you. That you had a nest full, so to speak. Wikipedia has a morbid definition and calls it a Syndrome, "the feeling of loneliness and grief that parents or guardians my feel when their children leave home for the first time..." Good news though, they say it isn't a clinical condition. They offer suggestions for methods of coping, one of them is to discuss their grief with others going through the same thing. I call that happy hour. Also recommended is journaling. I call that blogging. Good, I'm on the right track. No mention though of how long this condition, I mean "syndrome" can last. It did say the First time they leave home. Maybe if they come back and leave again my status will change to something else?
Recently I celebrated with my daughters as they both had milestone birthdays; 21 and 25. We did a bar crawl. I think that is pretty cool that we can now all go to bars and avoid gross, drunk men together! It was interesting to say the least. The best (worst) pick up line of the night was directed toward my 21 year old. This 40 something man said to her "you know sweetie, now that you are 21 you are going to make a lot of mistakes, and I'd like to be your first..." I was standing right there. So I dismissed him verbally and we went to another bar, with a younger crowd, lol.
Anyway I tell that story because maybe the end of empty nesting is when you realize your children are adults. The relationship changes from a strictly parenting role to more of a mentoring, friendship role. We can call this stage by a new name; how about Next Stepping. So I'm in the Next Stepping phase of my life and it's an exciting time! Looking forward I am going to plan some Next Stepping goals and get busy making those happen. Thanks for going along with me on this Empty Nesting journey and I hope you come along for the next step.
Here is a solid recipe to help close the door on empty nesting. It's a favorite breakfast meal I make for my kids when they are home. Enjoy!
Sriracha Egg Sandwich and Cafe Latte
1 whole grain English Muffin
1 soft fried egg
Leafy green lettuce
1 thinly sliced tomato
I slice of American cheese
1 sausage patty (I use meatless Trader Joe's patties)
a generous portion of sriracha
Assemble the cheese on the muffin and toast. Then add sausage, egg, sriracha, tomato and lettuce, and top of muffin. It's messy but ooooh so good!
I make a Latte to go with and if you are extra hungry cheese grits really tops this off. Have a great day!
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