Parenting is a lifetime career

Empty nesting just means that your house has fewer people sleeping in it 24/7. It doesn't mean you stop being a parent. No matter how old your children get you will always be their Mommy or their Daddy and they will always be your babies. It's just the way it is. In some ways it just gets harder because they are farther away. I think about my 84 year old mother and how she still comes to my rescue when I need it most - without my asking or even expecting her help. I want to be there for my kids as long as I live too. But the job is not an easy one.

When your children are young you can protect them more. You can put them to bed before they get too cranky. You can give them a warm bath and massage their backs and read to them to get them to calm down and go to sleep. You can pull them off the monkey bars when the "bully" kid comes to the park. When your kids are in middle school it starts getting a bit harder because you  are no longer allowed at the park when they go, but they still ride in the car with you, sleep in their own safe beds and eat at your dinner table. You can be there to make sure they do their homework. Teenagers start making your life much more stressful because you have to let go and allow them to experience some level of freedom and you have to put your trust in other people's kids, boys if you have daughters, who may or may not hold your daughters' hearts with the same regard as you do. But when your babies, your pride and joy, go off to college and beyond, parenting takes on a whole new level of difficulty.

Last night I experienced one of the worst feelings a parent can have - I received that dreaded phone call in the middle of the night with my daughter's tearful voice on the other end. She had been in a car accident. For a few seconds my worst fears all rushed across my mind. Every bad thing that could possibly happen crossed my brain like an 8 mm film strip. Luckily she was not hurt and her car was not wrecked, but her nerves clearly were. 3000 miles away I felt so helpless. The full impact of the distance apart we are hit me like a ton of bricks. My baby needed me and there wasn't anything I could do. I couldn't rush to her rescue and hold her while she cried. I couldn't take her out for ice cream to make it all better. All I could do was breathe a sigh of relief that the film strip was a flash of fear not a future memory.

A few years ago my oldest daughter went to Europe for three months to study abroad. We didn't have international calling so my only connection with her was Facebook and the occasional Skype "date". That was brutal. Up until that point we had never gone longer than a week without talking. I worried about her safety. I missed hearing her voice and most of all her laugh. I felt like I was missing out on some amazing experiences that we could never share. I don't think I slept a full night for the entire three months so worried that she would need me and I wouldn't be there for her. Obviously she survived just fine and so did I. So I know I'll survive my youngest daughter being in LA. It's just painfully difficult especially when she goes through rough patches.

Just like we always say how wonderful it would be to have a manual on how to raise a child it sure would be great to have instructions on how to let go and let your children grow and learn to be adults on their own. I think this sums up what I've learned so far about being a parent:

• Love your children every day for the rest of their lives
• Do what you can to teach them how to be independent, intelligent and resourceful 
• Make sure they do their homework, in school and in life
• Teach them to respect themselves above all else
• Give them the proper tools to survive in the wild (intuition, good judgement, fiscal responsibility and basic cooking skills)
• Be there for them when they need you, even when they don't ask or expect it (thanks Mom)
• Don't be too hard on them when they make bad choices; that's how they learn to make good ones

And when you are going through a rough patch with your empty nesting, reach for some good, healthy comfort food to calm you down. Here are a couple of recipes that have helped me survive without killing my diet!

Mixed Berry Cobbler

2 cups of frozen mixed berries

3/4 cup of Bizquik Smart

1/4 cup of Splenda or Truvia

1 teaspoon each of cinnamon and ginger

2 tablespoons of raw sugar

1/4 cup of skim milk

Lightly spray an 8 x 8 glass pan with cooking spray. Mix the berries with the cinnamon, ginger, Splenda and 2 tablespoons of the Bizquik and put in the pan. Mix the remaining Bizquik with milk and spoon on top of the berries. Sprinkle with the raw sugar. Bake on 425 for 30 minutes. Serve with organic whipped cream.

Vegetarian Chilli Dogs

Smart dogs (in health food section of your grocery store)

Whole wheat hot dog buns (100 calories each)

Vegetarian canned chili with beans

Part skim shredded cheddar cheese

Chopped green onions

A tablespoon of plain greek yogurt

Cook the smart dogs in the toaster oven or oven for 10 to 15 minutes (I make two)

Heat buns 

Cook chili in a sauce pan until heated through

Put hot dog in bun and top with chili, cheese, onion and yogurt in that order

Almost like being at the Fair!

Like most things in life, dieting is all about the tools..

A lot of my friends have asked me how I got motivated to take control of my weight. The truth is I needed a diversion. When everything in your life starts to spin out of control, you need to find something YOU can control. And in my case I turned to the thing I have turned to my entire life - food; this time though, I twisted it in reverse. Usually food is my comfort from stress, anxiety, confusion, depression, you name it. I have always found comfort in a hot biscuit or creamy mashed potatoes, or a nice juicy hamburger on a buttered and toasted bun. But this time my weight was at an all time high and my health was started to suffer. I hated the person starring back at me in my mirror and I knew exactly how she got there. So I started looking at food in a different way. I could still turn to food for comfort but this time it would be the solution not the problem.

Nutrition Counter
When your sink is broken you need a plunger, a screwdriver, sometimes a "snake" to help you fix it. My body was broken so I needed to find some tools to help me begin the repair process. This post is all about finding the tools that work best for you and then a few tips on how to build your "tool box". The first thing you need is a good nutrition counter. Depending on your taste, you can find several online (with free IPhone apps). I like myfitnesspal. It is easy to use and I am amazed at its ability to find all the foods I eat and provide the nutrition counts for everything automatically. For example, you go in and log every thing you eat by typing in the search field "blue corn chips" and "salsa". It finds it, adds it to your "snack field" and tells you exactly how many calories, fat grams, proteins (none by the way) carbs, etc. were in those items. It then records that and adds it to your daily log items and gives you a total count for the day. You can put in your weight, your height, age and goal and it gives you a running progress report so you can see how you're doing every day. Some folks have told me they use SparkPeople which I'm told works the same way. Fooducate is another great resource. It is also a free IPhone app and it allows you to scan food items at the grocery store and it calculates the nutritional value of the item. If you are more of a pen and paper person, you can find a large variety of food journals at Barnes and Noble or Borders or on Amazon. I have several of those as well, but it's a little harder for me to keep up with because you have to do all of the calculating yourself (math challenged!). The really essential part of logging your food is that it gives you a reality check of exactly what you are putting into your body. Don't cheat and skip items - you're not fooling anybody but yourself and remember, this is something you can be in charge of with no one else's input or control. So if you go to Sweet Frog and get a $5.00 cup of chocolate and raspberry ice cream with oreo chips (not that I'm craving that or anything) log it and see what that does to your counts for the day - some days it just may be worth it! Once you've established what you are eating currently, set a goal weight. Your "counter" will help you determine how many calories (or carbs or fats, etc.) a day you need to maintain in order to reach your goal.

Recipes

If you are going to stick to a diet plan it's really important to enjoy the food you are eating. That's why having a great variety of good, quick and easy recipes is very important. There are many resources for this including Weight Watchers , Jenny Craig , Cooking Light and any number of low calorie recipe books, One of my favs is Rocco's Now Eat This.  In it Rocco shows you how to take the FAT out of comfort food by using some easy substitutes such as replacing sour cream or flour and butter with fat free plain Greek yogurt, or adding black beans to brownie recipes. You'll be surprised at how great food can taste even without the extra fat and oil. Google is a great resource for finding some quick and easy low fat recipes as well. You can also find some great light cooking classes that help you learn some quick tips on cutting calories and fat. In Richmond check out Sur La Table and Mise En Place for a list of classes. You should also find a lunch bag or box that allows you to carry enough food for the day. I found a great one at Home Goods for $2.99!


Exercise Plan
Just like finding food that you enjoy, you really need to come up with an exercise program that you like or else you won't be as motivated to keep doing it. For me, it helps to have a formalized plan - classes or bootcamp that you pay for in advance. If it's just me going to the gym and trying to come up with my own routine I'm more likely to "skip" or take it too easy. Being part of a group puts more pressure on you to show up and put out because there's a certain amount of peer pressure involved. The good news is there are a lot of options. If you enjoy walking, do it 3 to 4 times a week and try and increase your pace and your mileage a little each week. You can get phone apps with pedometers or buy a cheap one at Dicks Sporting Goods so you can track how far you walk. If you're into sports, join an organized team or sign up for pick up games of tennis if that's your thing. For women of a certain age (40+) you need to work out at least 3 times a week for 60 minutes in order to just maintain your current weight. That means in order to lose weight you have to increase your work out times and cut your calorie in take.


Work Out Clothes
Here's your chance to go shopping! Whatever exercise program you choose you're going to need a good pair of tennis shoes. Don't skimp on this tool because it will have a huge impact on your ability to avoid injuries. You should go to REI, Dicks or another sporting goods store or boutique and get fitted. Different kinds of shoes serve different purposes so let the sales people know what type of exercise you plan to engage in. Same goes for the clothes. If you are going to be exercising outside you'll need some clothes that support the weather like gloves, hats or hoods. You'll want to have on pants or shorts that allow you to stretch and move freely. And layers are always good. You may also want to invest in a yoga mat and some light hand weights (3 and 5 pound weights are great).


Tips for lunch salads
Salads are great for lunch but they can get really boring. Here are a few tips for keeping salads interesting!


Feta
Pine Nuts
Almond slices
Dried cranberries
Apple cubes
Mandarin oranges
Raw zucchini and squash slices
Grilled chicken
Grilled shrimp
Fried tempe or tofu


Add a couple of the above ingredients to any salad for a twist that doesn't kill the calorie counter.  Also mix up your greens; romaine, spinach, kale, arugula, iceberg are all great choices but are even better if you combine a light lettuce with a darker green variety. Another good tip is to keep a bottle of fat free dressing in your lunch bag/box or the frig at work. To keep your lettuce from turning brown or getting limp, sprinkle a little lemon juice on top before you seal the container.

It's the Small Things that Matter. Like Cheese...

I have been living a very simple life for the past six months - purposely trying to keep my world as stress-free as possible. I figure I've had enough "drama" for the past year to last a lifetime so, at least for now, I'm avoiding anything outside of work that causes me unnecessary anxiety. Like shopping. Shopping has been a real pain in the butt for the past few years, especially when it involves trying on clothes. When you get to a certain size, anything really over a size 14, shopping for clothes in "regular" stores becomes challenging. If you do happen to find clothes that fit, they usually look like something a clown would wear, to the circus...Who on earth comes up with these designs? Really, a Plus size person needs to wear stripes going around the middle? Or neon splashes of color in a horizontal pattern? Or hot pink anything? It's been a struggle to try and find things that fit and look decent for work that won't frighten my co-workers. Remember, I'm 5'2 so if it's big enough to go around me, it's usually too long and ill proportioned everywhere else. Even Petite pants are often too long. Trying on clothes at department stores stresses me out and when I get stressed out I want to eat. So being on a diet AND trying to avoid stress has meant NO SHOPPING.

But today I took a chance and went looking for some clothes. I HAD to. Even my mother told me recently that I needed to buy some new clothes because I had really "let myself go"...Thanks Mom. But she was right, as usual so I bit the bullet, threw out anything in my pantry that could be turned into binge food and headed out. First, though,  I stopped by World Market - they were having a wine and beer tasting. If I was going to do this shopping thing I needed some support. Three "tastings" of wine and three "tastings" of beer later, I was ready for anything. I have lost some weight so I pulled some clothes from the rack that were a size smaller than I've been buying. Imagine my surprise when they were too big! What's that I see in the crappy department store mirror - a smile on my face? Crazy. So I bought a couple of tops that were three sizes smaller than I've been wearing, that fit and that actually are in fashion and a pair of dog-walking shoes and called it a day. End on a high note, right? When I got home instead of wanting to stuff my face from stress, I was motivated to work out. It's so funny to me that for all these years I've been laughing at people who said "all you have to do to lose weight is eat less and exercise more". Turns out it's true. I wish there was some magic pill or potion you could take and drop 60 pounds, but the sad reality is you have to work your buns off and stop eating a lot of food that you love, like cheese...

these are a few of my favorite things...

Which brings me to the second "small thing" that made me smile today. My cheese -fast is over. I am now allowed to add cheese back into my diet as accent food. I've been thinking about it all week and could hardly contain myself at the grocery store today! The problem is I had to fight the urge to buy the Cranberry Stilton or the Sharp White Cheddar and the baguettes - oh how I miss the baguettes! I had to keep telling myself, Accent Cheese, not main course Cheese...I'm pretty sure I said this out loud several times and a couple of women at Whole Foods actually left the cheese section because of me. No worries, I'm in a stress-free place of no concerns so let them think I'm a fool - I was buying cheese for the first time in four weeks and nobody was going to ruin it for me! A friend of mine gave me this incredible tip (which I'll share with you in the recipe section below) so I bought Low Fat Herb and Garlic cheese spread. Two tablespoons is only 70 calories and 2 grams of fat - Accent! I also bought some fresh parmesan and skim milk feta. Oh boy my next salad is going to be AWESOME!

To wrap up, the small things really are the best things in life so take a break from YOUR unnecessary stress and give yourself a chance to find some simple thing to make you feel happy. I hope for your sake that you don't have to give up cheese for four weeks to do that, though.

As promised, here is a tip for getting some cheese in your life without blowing your diet...

Grilled Chicken Sandwich

1 3-ounce chicken breat flattened and either grilled or broiled with a little olive oil and seasoning
1 flat bagel (I used Pepperidge Farm Whole Wheat) toasted
1 tablespoon of Low Fat Herb and Garlic Cheese Spread
Spinach (a few pieces raw)
Hot sauce

Assemble your sandwich and if you like drizzle a little hot sauce on last. News flash, hot sauce actually increases your metabolism if you use it regularly! Just so happens I love spicy food so for me it's a win-win.