Parenting is a lifetime career

Empty nesting just means that your house has fewer people sleeping in it 24/7. It doesn't mean you stop being a parent. No matter how old your children get you will always be their Mommy or their Daddy and they will always be your babies. It's just the way it is. In some ways it just gets harder because they are farther away. I think about my 84 year old mother and how she still comes to my rescue when I need it most - without my asking or even expecting her help. I want to be there for my kids as long as I live too. But the job is not an easy one.

When your children are young you can protect them more. You can put them to bed before they get too cranky. You can give them a warm bath and massage their backs and read to them to get them to calm down and go to sleep. You can pull them off the monkey bars when the "bully" kid comes to the park. When your kids are in middle school it starts getting a bit harder because you  are no longer allowed at the park when they go, but they still ride in the car with you, sleep in their own safe beds and eat at your dinner table. You can be there to make sure they do their homework. Teenagers start making your life much more stressful because you have to let go and allow them to experience some level of freedom and you have to put your trust in other people's kids, boys if you have daughters, who may or may not hold your daughters' hearts with the same regard as you do. But when your babies, your pride and joy, go off to college and beyond, parenting takes on a whole new level of difficulty.

Last night I experienced one of the worst feelings a parent can have - I received that dreaded phone call in the middle of the night with my daughter's tearful voice on the other end. She had been in a car accident. For a few seconds my worst fears all rushed across my mind. Every bad thing that could possibly happen crossed my brain like an 8 mm film strip. Luckily she was not hurt and her car was not wrecked, but her nerves clearly were. 3000 miles away I felt so helpless. The full impact of the distance apart we are hit me like a ton of bricks. My baby needed me and there wasn't anything I could do. I couldn't rush to her rescue and hold her while she cried. I couldn't take her out for ice cream to make it all better. All I could do was breathe a sigh of relief that the film strip was a flash of fear not a future memory.

A few years ago my oldest daughter went to Europe for three months to study abroad. We didn't have international calling so my only connection with her was Facebook and the occasional Skype "date". That was brutal. Up until that point we had never gone longer than a week without talking. I worried about her safety. I missed hearing her voice and most of all her laugh. I felt like I was missing out on some amazing experiences that we could never share. I don't think I slept a full night for the entire three months so worried that she would need me and I wouldn't be there for her. Obviously she survived just fine and so did I. So I know I'll survive my youngest daughter being in LA. It's just painfully difficult especially when she goes through rough patches.

Just like we always say how wonderful it would be to have a manual on how to raise a child it sure would be great to have instructions on how to let go and let your children grow and learn to be adults on their own. I think this sums up what I've learned so far about being a parent:

• Love your children every day for the rest of their lives
• Do what you can to teach them how to be independent, intelligent and resourceful 
• Make sure they do their homework, in school and in life
• Teach them to respect themselves above all else
• Give them the proper tools to survive in the wild (intuition, good judgement, fiscal responsibility and basic cooking skills)
• Be there for them when they need you, even when they don't ask or expect it (thanks Mom)
• Don't be too hard on them when they make bad choices; that's how they learn to make good ones

And when you are going through a rough patch with your empty nesting, reach for some good, healthy comfort food to calm you down. Here are a couple of recipes that have helped me survive without killing my diet!

Mixed Berry Cobbler

2 cups of frozen mixed berries

3/4 cup of Bizquik Smart

1/4 cup of Splenda or Truvia

1 teaspoon each of cinnamon and ginger

2 tablespoons of raw sugar

1/4 cup of skim milk

Lightly spray an 8 x 8 glass pan with cooking spray. Mix the berries with the cinnamon, ginger, Splenda and 2 tablespoons of the Bizquik and put in the pan. Mix the remaining Bizquik with milk and spoon on top of the berries. Sprinkle with the raw sugar. Bake on 425 for 30 minutes. Serve with organic whipped cream.

Vegetarian Chilli Dogs

Smart dogs (in health food section of your grocery store)

Whole wheat hot dog buns (100 calories each)

Vegetarian canned chili with beans

Part skim shredded cheddar cheese

Chopped green onions

A tablespoon of plain greek yogurt

Cook the smart dogs in the toaster oven or oven for 10 to 15 minutes (I make two)

Heat buns 

Cook chili in a sauce pan until heated through

Put hot dog in bun and top with chili, cheese, onion and yogurt in that order

Almost like being at the Fair!