I've been through some things and feel like I'm a pretty tough girl, a true survivor. But recent events have made it abundantly clear that I am not worthy, not even close, of that description. My 86 year old Mother recently lost her second husband. The first, my Dad, died in his sleep of a massive heart attack at the age of 56. He was my Mother's soul mate; the love of her life. She was just 54 years old at the time, a year younger than I am right now. She married my Dad when she was a young woman of just 17. He was her only real love. They did everything together. They were best friends, parents, home builders, bankers, partners in every way. they raised three children and when the youngest, me, got married and moved away, they finally could be alone together again. That was just two years before my Dad died. I know those years were precious, but far too short.
I've lost 2 husbands…to divorce, and that was hard enough. But to lose The One, your one true love, that early and eternally. I can't even imagine how completely devastated I'd be. I think it would be very easy to give in, give up. Just stop trying. But my Mom didn't give up. She suffered, cried a lot but ultimately moved on. After a few years of rebuilding her life, she remarried a wonderful man and went on to live a long happily married life with him for over 25 years. She survived stage 4 lymphoma at the age of 80, undergoing several rounds of crucifyingly horrific radiation treatments. Last month my stepfather died from a long and complicated illness. My Mom literally watched him die, for years. He faded away from a big, strong and healthy farmer to a week, small and sickly invalid. The pain he went through was I'm sure absolutely horrible, but the suffering it caused my Mother was equally as painful. When the inevitable happened and he passed away, my Mom was once again a lone left to pick up the pieces.
I've lost 2 husbands…to divorce, and that was hard enough. But to lose The One, your one true love, that early and eternally. I can't even imagine how completely devastated I'd be. I think it would be very easy to give in, give up. Just stop trying. But my Mom didn't give up. She suffered, cried a lot but ultimately moved on. After a few years of rebuilding her life, she remarried a wonderful man and went on to live a long happily married life with him for over 25 years. She survived stage 4 lymphoma at the age of 80, undergoing several rounds of crucifyingly horrific radiation treatments. Last month my stepfather died from a long and complicated illness. My Mom literally watched him die, for years. He faded away from a big, strong and healthy farmer to a week, small and sickly invalid. The pain he went through was I'm sure absolutely horrible, but the suffering it caused my Mother was equally as painful. When the inevitable happened and he passed away, my Mom was once again a lone left to pick up the pieces.
At 86, picking up the pieces and rebuilding a life is far more difficult than in your mid 50's. Limited income based on social security and savings, failing health combined with the fact that my Mom grew up in a different time when women were not the bread winners. She hadn't even paid a bill on her on probably ever. My brothers and I were concerned and pondering what on earth we should do, when my Mom called a family get together to tell us she wanted to move into an apartment nearer to restaurants, shopping and us. And that she had already signed a lease. She went on to get her first cell phone, on her own, bought new furniture, on her own. Today my brother and I visited her to help put the finishing touches on her new "Pad" as she calls it. Everything looked cozy, just like home. And my Mother looked 10 years younger and a lot stronger.
It reminded me of my Grandmother, my Mom's Mom. At 88 she moved into an apartment, very near where my Mom is living now, and set up housekeeping on her own after my Grandfather died. She lived on her own until she was 99 when she went into an Assisted Living Community and lived until she was 102. Granny survived World Wars 1 and II, the Great Depression, the Sexual Revolution, saw the first man walk on the moon, in black and white on her brand new television set, even though I don't think she ever really believed that it happened. In her late 80's, Granny walked several blocks to the grocery store twice a week, took a bus shopping, and her apartment was every bit as cozy and homey as any house I've every owned or lived in. Just like my Mom's new Pad.
I'm proud to be a decedent of these two strong and brave women. I hope that I am somehow able to live up to their legacy and pass it along to my brilliant, strong and brave daughters. I openly admit that compared with those women I pale in their image. So the next time I complain about a broken heart, or having to leave a house or being overweight, remind me that my husband didn't die. I haven't had to have any radiation treatments. And other than being too chubby to fit into my jeans, my health is pretty darn perfect.
My Mom, Grandmother and I have one more thing in common. A love for food and cooking. Granny made the best ever Chicken and dumplings and rice pudding. My Mom makes the best ever fried Chicken and lemon pie. I'm still working on my signature dishes and haven't really landed on a great chicken recipe yet. But tonight I made some banging scallops and stir fried asparagus. Keep an eye out for all these receipts coming soon.
It reminded me of my Grandmother, my Mom's Mom. At 88 she moved into an apartment, very near where my Mom is living now, and set up housekeeping on her own after my Grandfather died. She lived on her own until she was 99 when she went into an Assisted Living Community and lived until she was 102. Granny survived World Wars 1 and II, the Great Depression, the Sexual Revolution, saw the first man walk on the moon, in black and white on her brand new television set, even though I don't think she ever really believed that it happened. In her late 80's, Granny walked several blocks to the grocery store twice a week, took a bus shopping, and her apartment was every bit as cozy and homey as any house I've every owned or lived in. Just like my Mom's new Pad.
I'm proud to be a decedent of these two strong and brave women. I hope that I am somehow able to live up to their legacy and pass it along to my brilliant, strong and brave daughters. I openly admit that compared with those women I pale in their image. So the next time I complain about a broken heart, or having to leave a house or being overweight, remind me that my husband didn't die. I haven't had to have any radiation treatments. And other than being too chubby to fit into my jeans, my health is pretty darn perfect.
My Mom, Grandmother and I have one more thing in common. A love for food and cooking. Granny made the best ever Chicken and dumplings and rice pudding. My Mom makes the best ever fried Chicken and lemon pie. I'm still working on my signature dishes and haven't really landed on a great chicken recipe yet. But tonight I made some banging scallops and stir fried asparagus. Keep an eye out for all these receipts coming soon.
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