A good friend of mine recently packed up everything she owns, rented a 22 foot truck and drove it, along with her car towed behind, and her two dogs over 6 hours away all in the name of love. It made me wonder, would I do that? Give up my job, my friends, my home and just throw caution to the wind with no fear or worries that it wouldn't work out? I'm not sure if I'm capable of that, but I'm really proud of my friend for doing it.
I had an interesting conversation recently with a guy I sometimes date. He, like me, has had two failed marriages and is suffering from a bout with commitment phobia. We were discussing what it takes to make a relationship work and this notion of unconditional, uncomplicated love keeps coming up. There is a reason you begin dating someone; something about them entices you. Maybe it's their smile, how they part their hair, their scent, how they make you laugh, etc. Whatever it is, you can be sure it comes with some things you won't always love. Maybe they snore, fart in their sleep, hold their fork funny when they eat. But in order to make a relationship last you have to find a way to worry less, or not at all, about the silly things that drive you crazy and focus instead on the reasons you started out in the first place. For me, the issue is boredom. I get bored easily. And often the fun, mysterious man I fall in love with ends up to be the lazy bum that won't get off the sofa or pick up his socks. So I need to understand that nobody is fun king all of the time. Also, everyone puts their best foot forward when they are beginning a relationship. If we can remember that guy, and always think of him as THAT guy, well, it will be easier to tolerate it when the dirty socks pile up next to his favorite chair in the living room.
I've also learned that I need to stay focused on who I am, what I enjoy, and not lose myself to the man that moves into my life. In the past I've stopped being me when I was in a relationship and that's just crazy because the guy fell for that ME that gets lost so when "she" disappears, all of a sudden I'm not that interesting anymore either. The guy that falls for me has to like my quirkiness, mood swings, silly sense of humor and ADHD energy level. So all I need to do to keep my next man interested is stay focused on being THAT crazy girl that he fell in love with.
Easy. Remember him as the guy you fell for, even when he isn't acting like that guy, and BE the girl he fell in love with all the time. Or as much of the time as possible. I think another secret to the success of this is to not be something you aren't when you are dating. I mean, who are you fooling when you do that? Certainly not yourself. And if you fooled some poor sucker into marrying you by being something you thought they wanted, well, it won't last once they meet the person you really are.
Another aspect of this mystery is puzzling me as well. How do we really know that the person we fall in love with is the REAL him/her and not just an act? I have been arguing with the before mentioned fellow that a long distance romance really can work. He swears it can't. I am beginning to realize that he is unfortunately correct. In a long distance relationship you can hide who you really are because you only have to be the perfect person one weekend a month, or whatever your arrangement is. Anybody can put on a "face" for a weekend, right? It's when you see the person at the grocery store, after a long hard work day, when they have the flu or they are going through a depression, financial crisis, etc. that you really know what they are made of. I have a theory that a person doesn't truly know who I am or understand me fully until they have spent time with me with my daughters. I am the best and worst of me when I am with them. The problem is I don't let a guy into that part of my world unless we are pretty serious. And so you can see where I am going with this - by then it may be too late for them to see the REAL me and notice that it may not be the ME they think they love. Interesting…
I'm going to keep the faith that there is a guy out there who I can love who will love me, the real me. And if he finds me, well you as my witness, I'm going to be all in and do whatever it takes to make sure we remind each other every day why we decided to take the leap.
Until then, here is something we can all fall in love with. I made it last night and trust me, it's the real deal.
Grandma's Chocolate Pie
Make or buy a deep dish pie crust and cook it until golden brown. Let it cool completely.
3 cups of whole milk
1 and 1/2 cups of sugar
1/3 cup cornstarch
1 tablespoon of vanilla extract
1 12 oz package of bittersweet dark chocolate chips
4 egg yolks
Mix sugar and cornstarch in a sauce pan on medium heat and gradually add milk. When mixture is combined and begins to boil and thicken, remove from heat and add the chocolate pieces. Beat egg yolks in a cooking pan and add 1/2 of the chocolate mixture. Mix together and add back into the original sauce pan. Bring to a boil again and let boil 1 minute. Remove from heat and add vanilla extract. Pour into cooled pie shell, wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 4 hours.
You should have enough of the pudding mixture for a couple of large servings or 4 small servings. Store those in cups and wrap, also refrigerate for at least 4 hours.
I like to top the pie or pudding off with some cool whip or whipped cream. You could get really crazy and drizzle some chocolate syrup on top. Either way, you are not going to regret this affair at all.
I've also learned that I need to stay focused on who I am, what I enjoy, and not lose myself to the man that moves into my life. In the past I've stopped being me when I was in a relationship and that's just crazy because the guy fell for that ME that gets lost so when "she" disappears, all of a sudden I'm not that interesting anymore either. The guy that falls for me has to like my quirkiness, mood swings, silly sense of humor and ADHD energy level. So all I need to do to keep my next man interested is stay focused on being THAT crazy girl that he fell in love with.
Easy. Remember him as the guy you fell for, even when he isn't acting like that guy, and BE the girl he fell in love with all the time. Or as much of the time as possible. I think another secret to the success of this is to not be something you aren't when you are dating. I mean, who are you fooling when you do that? Certainly not yourself. And if you fooled some poor sucker into marrying you by being something you thought they wanted, well, it won't last once they meet the person you really are.
Another aspect of this mystery is puzzling me as well. How do we really know that the person we fall in love with is the REAL him/her and not just an act? I have been arguing with the before mentioned fellow that a long distance romance really can work. He swears it can't. I am beginning to realize that he is unfortunately correct. In a long distance relationship you can hide who you really are because you only have to be the perfect person one weekend a month, or whatever your arrangement is. Anybody can put on a "face" for a weekend, right? It's when you see the person at the grocery store, after a long hard work day, when they have the flu or they are going through a depression, financial crisis, etc. that you really know what they are made of. I have a theory that a person doesn't truly know who I am or understand me fully until they have spent time with me with my daughters. I am the best and worst of me when I am with them. The problem is I don't let a guy into that part of my world unless we are pretty serious. And so you can see where I am going with this - by then it may be too late for them to see the REAL me and notice that it may not be the ME they think they love. Interesting…
I'm going to keep the faith that there is a guy out there who I can love who will love me, the real me. And if he finds me, well you as my witness, I'm going to be all in and do whatever it takes to make sure we remind each other every day why we decided to take the leap.
Until then, here is something we can all fall in love with. I made it last night and trust me, it's the real deal.
Make or buy a deep dish pie crust and cook it until golden brown. Let it cool completely.
3 cups of whole milk
1 and 1/2 cups of sugar
1/3 cup cornstarch
1 tablespoon of vanilla extract
1 12 oz package of bittersweet dark chocolate chips
4 egg yolks
Mix sugar and cornstarch in a sauce pan on medium heat and gradually add milk. When mixture is combined and begins to boil and thicken, remove from heat and add the chocolate pieces. Beat egg yolks in a cooking pan and add 1/2 of the chocolate mixture. Mix together and add back into the original sauce pan. Bring to a boil again and let boil 1 minute. Remove from heat and add vanilla extract. Pour into cooled pie shell, wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 4 hours.
You should have enough of the pudding mixture for a couple of large servings or 4 small servings. Store those in cups and wrap, also refrigerate for at least 4 hours.
I like to top the pie or pudding off with some cool whip or whipped cream. You could get really crazy and drizzle some chocolate syrup on top. Either way, you are not going to regret this affair at all.
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