I've been meaning to blog about this for some time now and it became a priority after a series of recent events. Why is it that some older men, much older, constantly hit on younger women, MUCH younger, at bars, the grocery store, in the work place, just about everywhere?
I was with a girl friend of mine at a restaurant the other night. We didn't have a reservation so we sat at the bar and ordered our food. While we were there two men, mid 50's, came in and hovered behind us with their drinks. I'm in my mid 50's and I wouldn't have given either of these men the time of day. My friend is late 20's and quite attractive. One of the men, the less attractive of the two I might add, swiftly headed toward my friend. She smiled but refused when he offered to buy her a drink. She rolled her eyes and ignored him when he asked her "do you come here often." She showed her annoyance when he continued to bug her even after her food arrived. I watched this play out, smiling to myself because this man, this unattractive mid to late 50's guy, really and truly thought he had a chance of getting with this really pretty 20-something woman.
I was sitting next to another really attractive young woman, probably 22. She said to me while this incident was taking place, "does he really think she's going to take off her pants and "do" him right here?" I laughed and we discussed the scenario. She said it happens to her at least once a week. Gas station as she's pumping gasoline into her car. Grocery store in the frozen food isle. Every single time she goes to a bar without her boyfriend. Always much older guys, usually not as cute as her Dad, and yet they don't give up.
My daughter who is 26 works at a high-end organic grocery store as a barista and juice bar manager. She told me that in the past few weeks she has been hard core hit on by clients, three different ones, who have been coming in at the same time nearly every day. They tell her about their wives and kids, did I mention most of these men are married? They gain her trust by pretending to be "nice guys," then they go in for the kill. "Did you really think I was coming here for the juice," one actually said.
My youngest daughter, 22, runs into this problem with her college professors. One has such a reputation for it that many female students refuse to take his class. This guy is famous and so his ego is to blame. For every girl who turns him down there are probably two that are victimized by him.
I was on a date with a guy a few months ago and we went for breakfast to a trendy hipster donut shop in Durham. My friend was just making small talk with our waitress and complimented her shirt - it was a band t-shirt of a group he likes. She almost cut him with her eyes. She, I'm sure, thought he was hitting on her with me sitting right there. She was so nice to me, almost in a guilty way. It took me a while to figure out why she was being so mean to my date, but then I realized. This happens to her all the time; some older guy, married or otherwise not single, probably hits on her and makes her feel uncomfortable.
But they keep doing it. That can only mean one thing; they have been successful in the past.
I understand why the guys want to be with a younger woman. It makes them feel young. Makes them forget about their balding heads or their viagra prescription. It also is easier than being with a smart-mouthed mature woman who won't let them walk all over them. I get it. But I really don't understand why a beautiful young woman would choose to be with one of these guys. Daddy issues maybe? Low self esteem? Or are they just manipulated into it? There is also always the money factor to consider.
As a mature woman who would really like to date a man in his 50's but can't find any decent single ones out there, this is a rather serious concern. If the guys my age, even the ones I wouldn't consider dating, are having success with really pretty 20 year olds, where does that leave me? I made eye contact with the man hitting on my friend at the bar and he sheepishly grinned at me as I gave him a disapproving eyebrow. In his mind I was too old for him. In my mind he was being pathetic and embarrassing himself. That night at least he left the bar alone.
On the reverse note, when I'm out with younger women I am the one who always gets approached by younger men. They want to dance with me, get my number, tell me how much they love red heads, it's crazy. I had to put in my online dating profile that if you are under 40 please don't message me. And I'm sure there are older women who take full advantage of this situation as well. I'm just not one of them. I guess the old saying is true, the grass always seems greener on the other side.
Speaking of green, no matter your age or your gender, you'll enjoy this healthy delicious salad - I made it this past weekend with my daughter. We had it with iced green tea and grilled corn on the cob. Perfect way to end a weekend.
Watermelon, Arugula Salad
4 cups of rinsed arugula
1/4 red onion diced
1/2 lime
1/2 avacodo cubed
2 cups of fresh watermelon cubed (core removed)
1/4 pound of almond cheese or mozzarella cut into 1/4 inch pieces
4 tablespoons of olive oil
sea salt and pepper to taste
Marinate the onion in juice of 1/4 of the lime for 15 minutes
Saute the cheese in 1/2 of the olive oil for 4 minutes (2 on each side)
Combine agugula, avocado, salt and pepper, water mellow, marinated onion (drained of juice), and sauteed cheese. Drizzle remaining olive oil and lime juice on top . Perfect no matter which planet you live on.
I was sitting next to another really attractive young woman, probably 22. She said to me while this incident was taking place, "does he really think she's going to take off her pants and "do" him right here?" I laughed and we discussed the scenario. She said it happens to her at least once a week. Gas station as she's pumping gasoline into her car. Grocery store in the frozen food isle. Every single time she goes to a bar without her boyfriend. Always much older guys, usually not as cute as her Dad, and yet they don't give up.
My daughter who is 26 works at a high-end organic grocery store as a barista and juice bar manager. She told me that in the past few weeks she has been hard core hit on by clients, three different ones, who have been coming in at the same time nearly every day. They tell her about their wives and kids, did I mention most of these men are married? They gain her trust by pretending to be "nice guys," then they go in for the kill. "Did you really think I was coming here for the juice," one actually said.
My youngest daughter, 22, runs into this problem with her college professors. One has such a reputation for it that many female students refuse to take his class. This guy is famous and so his ego is to blame. For every girl who turns him down there are probably two that are victimized by him.
I was on a date with a guy a few months ago and we went for breakfast to a trendy hipster donut shop in Durham. My friend was just making small talk with our waitress and complimented her shirt - it was a band t-shirt of a group he likes. She almost cut him with her eyes. She, I'm sure, thought he was hitting on her with me sitting right there. She was so nice to me, almost in a guilty way. It took me a while to figure out why she was being so mean to my date, but then I realized. This happens to her all the time; some older guy, married or otherwise not single, probably hits on her and makes her feel uncomfortable.
But they keep doing it. That can only mean one thing; they have been successful in the past.
I understand why the guys want to be with a younger woman. It makes them feel young. Makes them forget about their balding heads or their viagra prescription. It also is easier than being with a smart-mouthed mature woman who won't let them walk all over them. I get it. But I really don't understand why a beautiful young woman would choose to be with one of these guys. Daddy issues maybe? Low self esteem? Or are they just manipulated into it? There is also always the money factor to consider.
As a mature woman who would really like to date a man in his 50's but can't find any decent single ones out there, this is a rather serious concern. If the guys my age, even the ones I wouldn't consider dating, are having success with really pretty 20 year olds, where does that leave me? I made eye contact with the man hitting on my friend at the bar and he sheepishly grinned at me as I gave him a disapproving eyebrow. In his mind I was too old for him. In my mind he was being pathetic and embarrassing himself. That night at least he left the bar alone.
On the reverse note, when I'm out with younger women I am the one who always gets approached by younger men. They want to dance with me, get my number, tell me how much they love red heads, it's crazy. I had to put in my online dating profile that if you are under 40 please don't message me. And I'm sure there are older women who take full advantage of this situation as well. I'm just not one of them. I guess the old saying is true, the grass always seems greener on the other side.
Speaking of green, no matter your age or your gender, you'll enjoy this healthy delicious salad - I made it this past weekend with my daughter. We had it with iced green tea and grilled corn on the cob. Perfect way to end a weekend.
4 cups of rinsed arugula
1/4 red onion diced
1/2 lime
1/2 avacodo cubed
2 cups of fresh watermelon cubed (core removed)
1/4 pound of almond cheese or mozzarella cut into 1/4 inch pieces
4 tablespoons of olive oil
sea salt and pepper to taste
Marinate the onion in juice of 1/4 of the lime for 15 minutes
Saute the cheese in 1/2 of the olive oil for 4 minutes (2 on each side)
Combine agugula, avocado, salt and pepper, water mellow, marinated onion (drained of juice), and sauteed cheese. Drizzle remaining olive oil and lime juice on top . Perfect no matter which planet you live on.
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