Own It

I hate being older. But I'm happy for all the lessons I've learned. Life is full of contradictions like this. For instance, I'm so sad that I'm alone but happy that I'm not with someone I do not love. I'm thrilled that I have a great job, but sad that I haven't written a best-selling novel. I'm happy to have raised two amazing daughters and taught them to be independent, but sad that they are not living with me anymore. I'm fortunate that I have finally found true love, but depressed that he doesn't love me back. I'm relieved that I no longer have the burden and responsibility of a home, but sad that I can't plant an herb garden because I don't have a yard. I want to even things out and have fewer complexities in my life, but I fear I'd miss the drama.

When I was in my 20's my goal was to graduate college and get a good job. Then in my 30's my goals changed to include having a family and buying a home. 40's it was getting my kids through school and keeping them safe, keeping my job and being able to get a bigger home. Now I'm confused about my goals. For all of my life it's been about getter a better job, making more money, buying a nicer home, taking care of my kids. Now it's more about simplifying my life. I don't want a better job, I want a job that makes me happy. I'm not sure I want to own a home anymore. An RV and cross country tour is even too complicated.  I still want to take care of my kids, but now it's more about being there with good advice or sharing stories when they call or text or email. 

There is no manual for this stuff. How do we adjust to this new train of thought with no help? I mean, there are a ton of us 50somethings out there and somebody should have some answers, right? Where the hell are you all? I'll tell you - you are all like me. In denial. Refusing to admit you're getting older and that your goals are changing. We don't talk about it because then we'd have to own it.

I'm ready to own it. I want a new kind of life. I want to write blogs and novels for a living and spend my days walking on a sandy white beach. If my kids want to visit, that's awesome, as long as they are willing to take a turn cooking dinner and cleaning up. Same goes for my friends. Just bring plenty of beer and wine. And, if the guy I love wants to move to said beach with me, well, that would be nirvana. But he'd have to take turns cooking and cleaning up as well. (He's a chef so that wouldn't be an issue, by the way. )

Just imagine, walking hand in hand to the local farmer's market, picking out the perfect heirloom tomatoes, fresh mozzarella and basil, and a loaf of home made bread then taking it all home in our recycled hemp grocery bags and having a feast on the screened-in porch over looking the ocean while we sip wine. Before we turn in for the night, we'd roll up our pants legs, take off our sandals and walk along the ocean's edge, stopping to toss some flat stones into the water while we watch them skip. That's what I want. That's my new goal. 

Maybe getting older isn't so bad after all. Who's in?

You don't have to move to the beach or retire to make these treats, but they will put you in the mood for sipping wine and skipping stones....

Caprese Salad Kabobs

Fresh mozzarella balls, about an 2 inches round. Trader Joe's usually has these in a pint container.

Large leaf fresh basil

Mixed heirloom tomatoes 

Extra virgin olive oil

4 inch wooden skewers

Fresh ground pepper

Alternate the mozzarella balls, basil and tomatoes on the stick, will take about 2 of each per stick. drizzle the olive oil over the skewers and add fresh ground pepper before serving. Serve with a good bottle of Pino Noir and some warm homemade multigrain bread.